My 6th grade teacher used to tell us, “The truth shall set you free!”
I don’t know if it was the “shall” in the middle of that or what, but I always kinda turned my head sideways, and wondered what in the world she was talking about.
Yes, I’d been raised in church and all that, but I had no idea she was quoting the Bible!
The Bible also says that the Word of God will not come back void. Eventually, this verse about truth had a big impact on me.
I believe it can have an impact in your life, too.
Let’s face it: If your kids have never lied to you, well…
They have.
You just didn’t know it.
Telling the truth is hard for all of us to some extent or another.
There’s a reason it’s one of the ten commandments: God knew we needed it to be very clear that lying is wrong! Otherwise, we’d have even more ammunition for rationalizing away this sin.
Teaching truth to our children starts with us!
Children seeing us in a “little white lie” (I hate that expression) gives them a free pass to do the same.
Imagine this tempting situation:
My four-year-old could pass for a two-year-old….
Two-year-olds get in to Six Flags for FREE….
See what I mean?
If the moral reason to tell the truth in this situation doesn’t get you, consider the embarrassment when your child hears you tell the cashier at the ticket counter that she’s two, and she (LOUDLY) announces that she’s FOURRRRRR!!!
Yikes.
So, where do I start?
Prayer
Pray for your kids and their truth telling. Pray for guidance in handling lying. Pray that you will be a truth teller. Pray. Pray. Pray. I wrote more about prayer here.
And tell your kids you’re praying for them.
Talk
Watch almost any tv show, and you’ll have a great opportunity to talk to your kids about telling the truth.
Show them that the Bible says the devil is the father of all lies (see John 8:44).
Ask them how they feel when they find out someone has lied to them.
Tell them about a time when you lied.
Talk. Talk. Talk.
Regarding lying and all of the Commandments, the Bible says,
Teach them to your children. Repeat them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. {Deuteronomy 6:7}
No truth, no problem??
If you read much about parenting and dealing with lying, you’ll quickly see that the conventional wisdom says, “Don’t punish your kids if they tell you the truth.”
And to that I say, baloney! (I also considered: Hogwash! …and something else that will remain nameless.)
Sorry, but your kid can’t admit to you that she just stole a bag of Skittles from Target, and you respond with, “Oh, honey, the important thing is that you told the truth. Now go play.”
Come on!
Yes, acknowledge the truth aspect. Especially for something big.
It takes courage to tell the truth.
But there are natural consequences for the mistakes and poor choices that we make in life.
Telling the truth about it doesn’t negate that.
The bigger issue is: Trust.
[bctt tweet=”People forgive sometimes. People rarely forget. Our kids should know this.” username=”kennedyfamfive”]
Restoring trust after a lie is hard.
For this reason, at our house, lying is treated as worse than whatever you have chosen to lie about.
If you screw up, OK…we all do. Here’s the consequence. Move on.
But if you screw up and lie about it? Well. That’s a whole other story.
Don’t ask your child to lie to you.
By that, I mean, if you already know the answer to something or that asking it will tempt them to lie, then don’t ask… or ask something different.
For instance, instead of asking, “Did you take out the trash?” You could say, “After you take out the trash, then we can play the game.”
No need in setting them up for failure.
Play the video.
You know, the video in your mind…of your sweet little four-year-old…at age 16.
How does a lying 16 year old look to you?
I teach 10th graders. Let me tell you. It’s not cute.
So, consider the future when you’re making a parenting decision in the heat of the moment.
I blinked and my toddlers are now driving. You will, too.
What’s a parent to do?
I’ve over-reacted, and I’ve under-reacted. Parenting is a learning process; thank the Lord for grace when we don’t handle things well.
And our kids need grace, too.
Balancing the consistent boundaries our kids NEED, with the grace we all need on occasion, is not easy for me.
I definitely tend toward the boundaries side. (People who know me well will read this, roll their eyes, and say, “Now THAT’S an understatement!”) 😀
So, at the risk of sounding wishy-washy, there are times when your kid just needs to hear, “I love you. I bet it was really hard for you to tell me the truth, and I’m proud of you.”
Period.
No lecture.
No further consequence.
For me, this is something I have been able to do with our kids as they have gotten older.
Know your kids well enough that you recognize true remorse and can see that they have {truly} punished themselves enough.
Here’s a snippet from my ebook, Bible Verses for Your Life.
I wish I had spoken scripture to my kids more when they were younger. I did frequently tell them, “The truth shall set you free!”
And I think they looked at me a lot like I looked at my 6th grade teacher. 😀
I can’t change the past, but I can start today. That Proverb is a good place to start.